WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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