Kareoke will never be a sober sport
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
