The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
