I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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