it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
either way he was missing a nipple.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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