I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
