I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
