I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
