I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
