Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
