Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
