I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's never too late to be topless.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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