I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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