the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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