I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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