Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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