Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
