i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
