And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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