Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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