After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
