you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
