just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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