Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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