I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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