How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
