Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
