Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
