I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
