Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
there was a trapeze. enough said
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
