I just pynch a tree in the face
Fuck appropriateness.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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