She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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