You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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