dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
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Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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