Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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