So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
