I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
