Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
