She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just forgot I was standing up.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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