I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
