He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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