I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
