He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
