Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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