did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
