so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
