First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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