Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
