the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize