my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
