i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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