I'm eating all of the evidence.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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