next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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