Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
