those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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