You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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