you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
